Safety of pictures online

I saw a post on Cheeky Sweetie's blog recently that really got me thinking. For some reason the Bing search engine is bringing up a photo of her daughter when searched by some pretty appalling search terms. MamaSpohr has been finding photos of her darling Maddie as advertisements on various sites. And it makes me wonder, how will I even know if someone is using my photos? I've always heard that if you post anything online it becomes public, and you have no control over it. Clearly that is true.

I always thought people were at heart ethical people. I may love a photo I see online (some of the bloggers out there are phenomenal photographers!) but I never try to save it. Not even so I can go back and look at it, I'd never even consider posting it as my own! So I always think other people are going to behave the same way I do. Sadly, that's not true.

I'm new to this blogging thing, and I have no doubt I'll make some mistakes. I don't know all the rules, and so I apologize if I break them. In life, no matter what context, some rules are pretty clear. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours, and we can share, but only if we both agree on it.

Cheeky Sweetie made a good point - is having your photos online more dangerous than taking your child to the park. That same pervert (though more likely a different one), may be sitting at the park. Or the grocery store. I don't keep my daughter out of view of the world, so should I keep her out of view online too? How much am I protecting her? The idea of perverts looking for images and finding my daughter makes me shudder. But is it dangerous?

What it comes down to is determining risk. I'm an auditor, so this is not an unfamiliar concept. Is it an acceptable risk? I don't have my address up, and while I do have location, it's the closest big city. And while I don't like the idea, if a perverted old man is looking at pictures of my daughter for his pleasure A) he could have found them anyways, and B) if I don't know, it's not really hurting me. Don't get me wrong, the problem with Bing NEEDS to be fixed. But I can't prevent/fix everything that could ever possibly happen.

So, I don't like it, but it's an acceptable risk. I registered for sitemeter, so I can see if anything usual starts coming up. Though since my blog is pretty small I figure I'm not likely to run into anything. I'll post some pictures, as it suits my blog postings, though I'll be very cautious. I'm not a fantastic photographer like many of the bloggers out there, but I still love taking pictures of my little one!

Another day older

Birthdays are weird. When you're little, they mean everything. When you're older, you still want to feel special, but all in all it's another day.

Today is my birthday. I've been shouting it from the rooftops. I tweeted, I put it up on SparkPeople, you name it. All in an attempt to feel love and attention on my birthday. Desperate, huh? Yeah, I know. Yet I couldn't stop myself. Which is a shame, because it didn't work. Nothing on twitter, only one kind spark person.

Now I know why people say birthdays are depressing. I finally get it.

So, now to see if I can forget that it's supposed to be my birthday, and focus on having fun with my little girl. It's just her and I today, so it really IS like every other day, but at least I don't have work distracting me. When she gets up from her nap, she can have my undivided attention!

Totally Ticks Me Off Tuesday

Late Pizza Delivery!

So, when Pizza Hut gives me a delivery estimate, I usually don't expect them to stick to it. I expect my delivery within 30 minutes of that time though.

The other night (Thursday, actually), my husband was out of town, so I ordered pasta and chicken from Pizza hut for my daughter and I. I ordered at 5:42, hoping to get it by 6:30. The delivery estimate was 6:17. 6:17 came and went. 6:30 came and went. At 6:45 I put my daughter in her high chair and gave her cereal for dinner. I then called Pizza Hut.

I'm not sure what I expected - but I got no apologies, just an explanation that it was coming out of the oven and would be at my door within 15 minutes.

7:33. That's when they finally showed up. Almost 2 hours after I ordered. The delivery guy saw my daughter playing and started talking to her, about how she was going to get pizza and all that. I looked him square in the eye and said "Her dinner time was over a long time ago. She thought she was getting chicken, but it just didn't show up in time".

I then proceeded to give him a full tip. After all, it wasn't his fault they forgot my order.

My Beautiful Flower Girl

My beautiful little charmer worked the crowd, did a wonderful walk, and even cut loose on the dance floor! She was a hit, and the bride and groom had a perfect wedding.

I worry for nothing.

The big day

Saturday is the big day for my brother-in-law and his fiancee. The big wedding. And it's going to be big. She is going to be stunning. She always looks good, but brides have that something special. I'm so happy for them. I don't have a sister, we've both married into the same family, and I hope someday we can be friends.

I'm very nervous about it. I don't do well in crowds. And it's going to be crowded. The bride has a lot of friends, and they have a huge bridal party, including her sister-in-law, who is her matron of honor. My husband is the best man. My daughter is the flower girl. So I'll be alone in a crowd where I don't really know anyone. Because the people I know and am responsible for will be busy.

It's my job to make sure we have the tux. And the flower girl dress. And the aforementioned shoes. To keep everything together and get them ready for the big day. But then I don't know what I'll do with myself. I'm more worried about this wedding than I was my own! I don't want to be the one who messes something up, or has a cranky child, that takes away from the joy of the event. The best present anyone gave me, was not telling me of any problems that happened leading up to the wedding. They just fixed them. Which was particularly nice because I had a person who added herself to the bridal party. She wasn't supposed to be there, so that made things awkward, and took a bunch of re-arranging. And I feel bad for my matron of honor, because with the other girl in a different dress, the wrong person looks like she was in that special spot.

Sadly, while my wedding day was wonderful, pictures of the event make me cry. I look terrible, and all the pictures are very posed, like formal prom posed, which just isn't flattering. I know the bride won't feel that way about her photos, and I am so, so happy. Those pictures will be in houses forever, and she should feel good everytime she sees them.

As nervous as I am, I'm trying to just be happy for them. I'm not a part of the wedding. Technically I'm there as a guest, to observe their joy. Though I'll do anything I can to help it go smoothly, which with all her friends, she doesn't need one more person poking her nose in.

We have SUCCESS!

Tada!!!!



I know, to you it just looks like a cute pair of shoes. To me it's much, much more.

You see, one month ago, Bubbles wore a size 1 shoe. My brother in law is getting married this weekend. Bubbles is a flower girl. The other flower girl (a five year old) is wearing silver shoes. So I went on the hunt for silver shoes. I found a pair of size 2 silver shoes on clearance at Babies R Us. Score! I figured since she wasn't in size 2 yet, and had just moved up from size 0, that a 2 was reasonable.

Fast forward to the day she turned 15 months. One week and one day before the wedding. And her size 2 shoes fit. The next day, Saturday, exactly one week before the wedding, I couldn't get them on her feet. Even her size 2 sneakers were a tight fit, and wound up cutting her heels. So Sunday I was off, on the search for size 3 silver shoes. 1 Payless, 2 Targets, and 3 Babies R Us later, no silver shoes. Each place had some - in a size 2.

Now the panic sets in. What is Bubbles going to wear for the wedding? I hopped online and started searching for infant silver shoes. Most results didn't actually have them available. And then I was at Zappos. I thought I had tried there before with no luck, but I must not have. Because they had a bunch! All more expensive than any other shoes we've bought her, some 5 times as much, but they had them. Although I had some concern, because size 3 is supposed to be 6-9 months. Not 15. But, one expensive pair of shoes and expedited shipping later, and I can start breathing again, because they fit!

Now to make sure the dress still fits!

"Free-Range" parenting

Many moons ago I saw part of a Dr. Phil episode on extreme parenting. In it he talked to two different mothers, one with a "free range" approach, and the other a "helicopter" mom. The first let her (I think 9 year old) son take the subway and bus alone, the latter sat outside her daughter's friends house to keep an eye on her. The difference was startling, and my initial reaction was "they're both nuts!".

It made me think though. And I found myself looking for more information. I saw a clip where Dr. Phil talked to the boy who rode the subway. He wanted to do it. He wanted to show he could. And he rode it with his family enough to feel safe. So it made me keep thinking about the concept. And thinking about my own daughter.

My daughter is 15 months. Helicopter parenting is the only way to go, at least in public. She doesn't have a concept of what is safe and what isn't. I'm teaching her not to go into the street, but I don't know that it's going to take. And I know that Lenore Skenazy (the free-range mom) wouldn't fault me keeping a close eye on a toddler. In our own home I've protected against the biggest safety concerns (like a fall down the stairs), and I let my daughter spend a lot of time on her own. Exploring her surroundings. As she learned to walk, I let her fall. And I reassured her that she was okay when she got back up. On cement I try to catch her when she's going head first, so people outside our home are under the impression I never let her fall. It doesn't help that if she's within arms reach I tend to reach out without thought - so I do catch her even if she only stubbles. I let them judge. I'm confident in my decisions regarding my child falling.

When Bubbles gets older, I'm not sure what I'll do. I like the concept of allowing children to do what they are capable of. To let them show maturity and responsibility. When I was in elementary school I was in a very unsafe neighborhood. It was so gang ridden that I had an out of district transfer for school. My parents tried to protect me (and were successful). When I was preparing to go into Junior High we found out I couldn't continue on an out of district transfer, so my parents moved. We wound up in a neighborhood that was really nice. Most of the people had money - they owned their houses, had nice cars, didn't really want for much. My schools were good, people got into ivy league easily with a little work (not me, I was a dance person). It was safe. So I did walk. I walked to and from school - 2 miles, without a care in the world. I looked out for things around me, obeyed the traffic signals, and felt independent. I still called my mom when I got home to let her know I was safe. Then I'd go looking for my brother who liked to wander in the canyons. I started babysitting a 6-month old and 4 year old, alone, at 12. My mom was always a phone call away if I needed her, but I did it myself. I was ready

I like the idea of trust (particularly with teens), until they've shown reason to not be trusted. Then expect more oversight. I don't know how Bubbles will progress, at what age she'll be ready to do what. The idea of sending her alone on a subway gives me a panic attack, but then again, so does the idea of me riding a subway alone. I want her to be strong, independent, and able to trust in her own abilities. I'm just not sure how to get past my own insecurities. And again, kids are all different. I don't know who Bubbles will be at 5, 9 or 13.